.Thursday, November 10, 2005 ' 5:57 PM Y
lose one friend, lose all friends, lose yourself
Most relationship usually followed a series of pattern. This opinion is based on my observation. However, my opinions are not as complicated as Dan Vinci Code or the nature of PHI.
Basically, I have observed relationships normally would start off very sweet and people referred them as the ‘3-months honeymoon’ or ‘honeymoon period’. Usually couples are drawn to each others by curiosity and would willing to express their passion of love at the early stage of the relationship. Couples would be very understanding and tolerant towards their partners and don’t be surprise, it was the guys who needed the assurance and security from the girls for the starting of a relationship. They don’t wish to lose their girl so easily after putting so much effort into getting their girl. Sadly, this is usually happened only at the early stage of the relationship.
However, if couples do not experienced the 3-months honeymoon period is either the couples preferred to be honest toward each other – not to pretend that they are great lovers or their foundation is not strongly built – could be that both of them doubt that it would last even before they get started. Obviously, there are also other reasons contributing to the non 3 months honeymoon period. But no honeymoon doesn’t mean it won’t last.
After reaching that safe mode level, when couples believed that they are truly in love and willing to open out to this relationship, there is when troubles brew. Couples tore away their face masks and show each other their true nature. There is also when expectation is introduced into the relationship. They would ask more from each other. Just like those arcade games when the players have to gain more points in order to promote to the next stage. Dangling in the same old stage for too long, the passion would deteriorate and thus affecting the player’s performance. The player would get frustrated since he is getting nowhere in this game and no prospect of him leaving the stage, he would rather kill himself in the game itself to save his time and tokens for other games. Back to reality, basically, if there are no compromises, the game would simply end. However, at this stage, the compromises could be a verbal agreement. They just want their other half to assure them that they are willingly to compromise to their expectations and the disparities. Usually, this stage would be the exploring stage. Couples are vulnerable to break-ups because of constant arguments and disappointments for no-compromises.
If couples can get through this exploring stage, then it would be a smoother route for them. However, there are more to come. After that exploring stage, couples are assured and willing to invest more into the relationship. Investments can lead to sweeter memories. But what if the investments are not enough at all? Sweet memories could be destroyed by allowing temptations into the relationship. Temptations then seduced into the relationship and the couples regain their own minds and views about their own relationship again. They started to expect even more from the other side and realized all the compromises are only words but not actions. They started to observe too much into the relationship. Trusts and faiths are shaken.
Thoughts like:
‘didn’t change at all although promised to after that trash out.’, ‘lied to me’; ‘I am always like this even before I started this relationship.’, ‘very tired of it.’, ‘can’t believe it happened to me’, ‘how long can I take this’ and of course more to come. More compromises come in again but this time they wanted it to be enforced. Promises are valid that expected to get redeemed. Otherwise words are always words.
Investments > Expectation. Couples have to pay a price too if they have expectations of others. Don’t be silly to think that you are only entitled to expect and not invest. When you expect something from your other half, he or she would also not hesitate to expect theirs from you too. This period would be the ‘temptations’ period. Couples are more prone to fight and aggressive quarrels that threatened to end the relationship. Where are the temptations then since it was referred to the temptation period? Ah ha, the temptations come from third party or parties. This third party can be also your group of friends, strangers, parents or anyone and don’t even have to be a mistress. It can be as simple as harmless temptations like words came out from your friends that struck your mind rolling in thoughts and judgments. Constants thoughts and judgments of own would cause exhaustion and frustration that weaken the relationship. Fight could ignite easily because of some third party. The most obvious situation is when your guy is too into some female friends or your guy is too possessive or jealous because of your guy friends or even when this person name kept on appearing in the conversation. The best investments in this stage would be more faiths, trusts and changes for the better.
If these three stages are successfully over, then you will probably last but well, I always declared ‘game over’ easily in one of these stages so I don’t know what is next. Haha… But going through this stages, I guess would strengthen this relationship and couple would more confident in saying ‘NO’ to their temptations afterall, you and your other half have been through so much.
But if all three stages came together in one period, well, it can be very suffocating in the relationship. Imagine, in the honeymoon stage, when exploring has started and temptations appears in it, the relationship would easily end. *that is why some couples didn’t feel that they are in the honeymoon period* Just like a player is feeling frustrated when that level is simply too hard to counter and too much time and tokens are used and yet you are still fighting with that same bloody monster! I guess the player would take out the calculator and calculate how much more can him willing to invest in this game and is the next level worth for his investments. Guys are more level-headed and good at maths so the numbers just appear easily and he can decide on his steps but not for girls. They are too soft-hearted and they are far more stubborn. Their logic is since, they invest so much, they are willing to wait for the outcome but when the disappointment is too hard for them to bear, then they will not hesitate to leave. Afterall, it is just a game.
Disclaimer: above is purely my opinion... dun attack me on the tag hor... wahahaha....
